Will I Have Bridesmaids?

Sometimes I worry that I won’t have any bridesmaids at my wedding.
(Starting off on a mildly pathetic note today)
No, I’m not engaged. But a girl can dream…
Let’s put it this way: I’ve done a less than stellar job of maintaining my college friendships.

My bestie Kaylin is a communication wiz. She never forgets to call, send a card, text, and her birthday gifts always come early. 
With most of my other friends from college, we’ve lost our regular day-in, day-out conversation. It was so easy when we all lived in the same 3 block radius. Now that we’re 3,500 miles apart, those everyday conversations have turned into 4 times a year “catch up” calls. It really makes me so sad.

And though I’ve lived on the east coast for nearly 3 years now, I haven’t made a ton of close girlfriends. Oh, I’ve tried. I’ve joined my area sorority alumni group, joined the local YMCA, taken classes at the local community college. Mostly in the hopes of making some friends. But I tell ya, friends in your mid-twenties are hard to come by. I related so much to this post by Sami the other day. 

Oh I’ve made some acquaintances. Even a close friend or two. But bridesmaid worthy friends? Not so much. 

So occasionally every single day, when I envision my wedding to Nav, I just can’t see who will be at my side.


My colors will not be blush and bashful. Name that movie! It’s one of my faves.

Now I’ve got a sister so that’s one that’s taken care of. She will be standing by my side, for sure. Of course, Kaylin will be there too. That’s a no-brainer. But who else?

The bottom line: I don’t have enough close girl friends. I’m trying so hard to branch out and make new friends on the east coast but it’s much harder as an adult. 

You know how they have retirement communities for those 60+? I want to live in a mid-twenties community. It will have all the same amenities as a retirement community only there will be a bar instead of bingo. Would that not be a successful business model? Don’t steal my idea. It’s brilliant.
So there you have it. Growing up can suck big time. So a little part of me looks forward to the day when I can join some pre-natal yoga or move to the burbs where we have a street full of kids with parents our age. Just so we can be there with people in our same life stage. It’s simultaneously sad but hopeful. Am I alone in this?

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Comments

  1. says

    it’s so hard to make friends as an adult! every time a young couple moves into our neighborhood my hubs and i are like, yes! new friends,hopefully! (we’ve only live there a year)…we had a crazy amount in our bridal party (10 for him, 7 for me)..but a lot of our friends are already having kids, and we got married a little later so it’s a little like we’re on a different page right now!

    also, i love your community idea. every time we drive by the assisted living facility near us and the old folks are outside in the nice weather in wheelchairs i say to tim, don’t you think that’d be a little fun? like college again, but you’re old? ha!

    • says

      My grandma lives in a retirement apartment complex and it’s exactly like the dorms. I’m honestly a little jealous of her.

  2. says

    You are not alone at all in this! I got married in my early twenties and we moved from FL to NYC…talk about hard to keep old friends and make new. Knowing that this is also a life stage and we will leave here eventually, I too think about that “settling down” stage and making parent friends so that we have things in common.

    • says

      Moving was a big part of this for me also. A lot of my college friends who are still in California keep in touch much better than I do because they are all in one place. I look forward to “parent friends” so much! I’ve watched it happen with my own parents where they are still friends with people who I was friends with their kids.

  3. says

    You’re definitely not alone! I completely know the feeling too, it seems like it is so hard to come by real friends now. I also think that when you have kids, it will change!

    • says

      I’m really hopeful that it will. But I’d never want that to be the reason I started a family. Still, it gives me one more thing to daydream about.

  4. says

    I agree, it is so hard! I wish more of us 20-something girls would admit it! The more I discover how many other ladies feel like I do, the more it makes me wonder how many girls are walking around in my new town feeling the same way. There should be some type of “I need close girlfriends” meeting or something!
    I live in a town of mostly retired people and those 55+ communities have more social events than my sorority ever did! I went to a Pi Phi alumni meeting and everyone else there was in their 70s and the guest speaker was talking about estate planning, so there goes that idea :)

    • says

      I’m a bit ashamed to admit that I’ve searched for groups like that on meetup.com just to see if there are other ladies my age around the area who need friends too! When I went to my alumni group meeting for Delta Gamma, a whopping 4 other people showed up and we are all super different age groups. Fail.

    • says

      I’ve checked it out and I think I need someone to make a group that’s a little more forward lol. Like the “20-something ladies who need girlfriends” group. A lot of the ones I found were like “single people meetup” which kind of meant I wasn’t in that club. I thought about joining a book club but it looks like a lot of them in my area are those who are more middle aged.

  5. says

    My only saving grace is that I’m a teacher & most of the people I work with are female. Luckily, I got hired with some really great people we’re at the same stage in life… otherwise I’d be totally screwed. I just don’t understand how my hubs is still so close with all of his high school & college friends – are females too demanding?

    • says

      I agree! My bf is so close with his college friends still. I feel like you need one person that is the glue of a group of people. They plan everything and make everyone keep in touch. I had a lot of friends from different groups and as a result, none of them stuck together after college. It makes things hard. I’m jealous of your teacher friend group!

  6. says

    My friends and I talk about this a lot. It is tough, especially because you don’t want just ANYONE up there with you. I know what you mean on this.

  7. says

    When I was engaged, I had a hard time coming up with bridesmaids. I from the South, so the majority of people have like 7-9 bridesmaids. I saw one girl that had TWELVE. I didn’t even consider myself friends with that many girls at that time. I mean, if I put all the friends I considered to be my bridesmaid, who would be in the audience? I was/am more friends with guys than girls. I ended up having three bridesmaids, which worked out perfectly, because if I had seven hubby would have to come up with the more guys to be in the party (a lot of them are friends, but not best friends. plus, a lot had deployed the month earlier).

    Over the past few months, I have kept my same friends (some from college) and even more from (graduate school). The ones from graduate school are the ones I see most often. I have also began my business this year, and have met people from that. Also, any time my friend has a party, I meet people through that. However, if it wasn’t for any of that… I wouldn’t have met any of those people.

    I’ve definiteley been there before!

    • says

      I think three sounds like a good number. And dear God, 12? That’s absurd and wayyyy too many. If I could get it together and have 3 that would be great. Thanks for sharing!

  8. says

    It’s actually my 2 year anniversary today so I was thinking about my wedding. I dreaded standing up in front of a lot of people so me and my hubby invited 10 people (immediate family) to come to the Bahamas with us to have our wedding, and we each had 1 person stand up, but really everyone that was there was part of the ceremony because there weren’t a lot of people. I probably would have only had 2 people stand up even if we hadn’t gone away for our wedding, so don’t feel bad! On a positive to having only 1 person stand up for me, I was so happy to have my sister at my side, and I don’t have to look back and regret having someone that I was only kinda friends with, or someone that maybe I wouldn’t be friends with anymore in all the pictures!

    • says

      Honestly, I’ve thought a lot about having a destination wedding for that exact reason! It’s a great idea and it’s like you get a vacation out of it instead of spending soooo much money on a huge wedding here. It’s definitely an option and would likely solve this issue for me.

  9. says

    I agree with this! It’s so hard to meet new friends!! I live far far away from my college friends, but we always keep in touch. We have the silliest text conversations and email convos. Nurture the friendships you already have, don’t try to find new ones. That’s WAY too hard. I’ve tried and though I have some friends who I love and adore, it wasn’t easy to get to that level with them and they will never live up to the friendships I’ve had for YEARS. :)

    • says

      I’m trying to but it’s been so challenging. I’ll explain a little further. After college one of my roommates moved to New Zealand, one stayed in California, and I moved to the east coast. So we were like scattered across the world and initially, staying in touch was so hard! Now that we are all back in the states (and two of us are on the east coast), I need to do a better job.

  10. says

    I only had my one best friend from high school and my husband’s 3 sisters in my bridal party. We got married at 23, so I was still very close to all my college gfs but didn’t want 15 bridesmaids. Looking back, I am so grateful that we just had family because I only talk to a handful of those girls who would have been bridemaids back in the day. I wouldn’t worry too much. I do like your 20s community idea though!

    • says

      Sisters make things a little easier, don’t they? It’s like a given they’ll be up there. Nav has no sisters and I just have the one (and she’s 12!) so I’ve gotta come up with some other close ladies.

  11. says

    You’re SO not alone in this! I think the best friendships form at high school, because at college you’re kind of an adult (or pretending to be one) and you’re supposed to have your own life&friends… I hope I’ll stick to my friends from high school for a long time, but definitely in this case the quality beats the quantity!

    • says

      I wish I had close friends from high school. I’ve talked about it a little before but my high school experience was less than ideal. I have one very good friend (and he’s a he!) but besides that, I left that town and never looked back. College was a lot better for me.

  12. says

    I WISH I’d only had my two best friends in my wedding. I felt like I needed more than two bridesmaids though, which is why I also asked two of my childhood friends. Stupid decision. They got caught up in some old drama from high school while we were planning the wedding and we don’t really speak anymore (only 2.5 years after my wedding!). Keep your close friends, but if people don’t make an effort to stay in touch, you probably weren’t meant to be friends with them anyway. You’ll make friends organically through work or other groups you get involved with. It’s kind of like dating – when you stop looking for friends, you find them!

    • says

      I think you kind of win on the advice front here. I love that you said, that if people don’t make the effort, you probably weren’t meant to be friends with them anyway. I think people come in and out of your life at different times and you maybe are only meant to have them there for certain periods of time. Perhaps I’ll stop looking and this will all work out. Thank you!

  13. says

    I feel the same way! Making such good friends in college and having them all be within 15 minutes away from you really spoils life post-grad. Not only do all your friends move away or friendships fade, but then it becomes a MILLION times harder to meet new girls and make new friendships… Sigh. There’s just not a lot of social interaction happening after college….Same boat Nadine!

    • says

      And where we went to school, everything was just a 5 minute bike ride away! I honestly want to live in the dorms again. I miss them. Maybe i need to move to the suburbs where I can be friends with my neighbors because honestly, the people in the city aren’t as social.

  14. says

    First of all, LOVE that movie. And second of all, the other weekend when Ben and I went ring shopping, we started talking about our wedding… when, where, etc… and it dawned on me that I have four wedding party females and Ben has like… way too many to count! I’ve been saying since then “Babe what am I going to do!? I don’t have enough girl friends!!” I’m right there with you. It makes me so sad.

    I will be in yours if you will be in mine! (I’m serious.)

    • says

      Hahaha I might have to take you up on that but I’m seriously a year or two behind you on the ring shopping front. I have the same issue with Nav. He has a solid 4 guys that will be up there for sure. So I have to find the same number, right? Isn’t that how it works?

  15. says

    I’ve thought about this a lot. I do a HORRIBLE job of keeping in touch with friends. I have soe good friends in my PhD program, but not like the ones I had in college. I think that part of growing older is having a smaller group of friends …. right? I mean if not, then I’m screwed.

    • says

      I sure hope so. I think I also struggle because my job is at a very small non-profit so it’s not like I have people to chat with i my office really. Sometimes I just need more social interaction and I’ll go a whole day and only see my boss and Naveed (and Archie, of course).

  16. says

    I hear ya, sister! I barely talk to anyone from college anymore. We have friends via work and neighborhood but it is HARD! Especially for me since I don’t do a good part of keeping in touch. ;/

    • says

      I feel like I try to keep in touch with people from college so it just confuses me as to why people don’t answer or say they’ll call and then don’t. It has made me value those who put the effort in a lot more.

  17. says

    Oi, I had the same problem!! I’ve been in Austin now for almost 5 years and have made a few close girlfriends but no massive group that I see all the time or anything. It got to me for a while, and then I realized that that’s just not who I am. Girls are hard to come by! And I got married which put a bit of a damper on the whole single girl in the city thing… What was interesting to me is how much closer I am to certain girls in Baltimore SINCE I moved. I feel like if I moved back now I would have so many more girl’s nights than I ever did before and I’m 2,000 miles away!

    • says

      I miss having a girl group. And they definitely are hard to come by. I also feel like girls in their 20′s are divided into “single” and “taken/married”. I think the single girls don’t really want a ton of “taken” friends because they won’t want to go out as much and stuff.

  18. says

    You are definitely not alone in this! When Garrett and I moved to Denver 3 years ago, we moved here not knowing anyone. I have met a couple girls from work but no one that’s going to be my bestie. It’s hard because I am married and don’t want to go out every night which is what my work friends like to do. I’m not very needy as far as friends go so sometimes it doesn’t bother me at all that I don’t have close girlfriends here but sometimes I feel a little lonely!

    • says

      Exactly. It’s a little bit lonely. Honestly in my day in day out life it doesn’t bother me a ton. But then I start to think about major life events and what they would be like if I had more close girlfriends and I get a little sad. This is pretty much 90% of the reason I started a blog. Probably loneliness.

  19. says

    You are SO not alone in this. I haven’t been able to keep in contact with my friends from high school and college very much and it makes me sad. I know I’ll have my best friend there with me but honestly want to have my brothers as the rest of my maids (or…men..whatever! I have no sisters!) and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that :)

    • says

      Brides men! That’s exactly what my mom said. She emailed me after she read my post and was like, you can have your brother, we live in a modern world. LOL I love the idea.

  20. says

    Oh girl, you are in good company. I moved 1,200 miles away from all my college friends to be closer to my family, and boy is it tough some days. The sucky part is that I try to make new friends {among the warm and welcoming New England personalities. Ha}, but it’s tough. Especially in your 20s while trying to balance building a career, relationships etc. Hang in there, you never know when you might meet a lifelong kindred spirit :)

    • says

      Thank you! I too chose family over staying with friends and my relationships with my family members have gotten much closer since I moved here so I could never regret it. I’m just constantly on the lookout for a new lady friend to go see girly movies with and chat about makeup products. And maybe have as a bridesmaid :-)

  21. says

    I completely agree! I joined meetup.com and it has been great.. I joined a new mommy group and have already gone to a couple of meetups and met some people with similar interests, at similar stages in their life. Definitely try it out!

  22. says

    I don’t know howwww I missed this. I’d totally come like with you in the twenties home. We could play Clue and drink wine!

    I had this problem when I was 22-23. I had just moved to Florida with a boy (d’oh), and I didn’t know ANYONE other than him. I had already graduated, and everyone I worked with was 10 years older and married. I finally found some people my age when I went to a Pi Phi alum dinner, but even then, there wasn’t anyone I could talk to. I think that had a lot to do with why I felt so miserable there. Seven years later, it still makes me a little sad to think about … but I know I probably could have done more to get out there. The blogging community wasn’t as big then as it is now, so I’d be willing to bet that you’ll probably encounter a few girls this way!

  23. says

    I totally agree. I am getting married and because I was so scared of not having any bridesmaids with me at my wedding, winded up inviting anyone I was ever close to as a bridesmaid…Now 8 bridesmaids later, I regret it so much. These girls meant a lot to me at one point in my life but it is hard to invision them celebrating this day with me when I rarely get to see or speak with them anymore. I wish I had thought it through. Anyways, I feel ya..I’m 22 and really all I have left due to work and finishing up my degree is my fiance. WHICH SOUNDS SO PATHETIC! We can be blogger friends :)?

  24. says

    I have to stop myself from commenting on every post… :) I didn’t do bridesmaids at all! I’m one of “those Mormons” ;) and so I had a temple wedding, but instead of doing bridesmaids I just bought my sisters and sisters-in-law-to-be matching dresses and got them little bouquets, and matching ties for the brothers and brothers-in-law-to-be. It made for gorgeous pictures, no one (in the family) felt left out or out of place, and no one (outside the family) felt shafted because only family members were in the “wedding party.” It was so easy breezy – and I don’t regret it one bit!

    However… I totally feel you on adult friends. It’s so hard! I feel like my only friend is my husband…

  25. says

    Hi! I am a new reader via Jenni from Story of my Life. I just got married three months ago and I only had two bridesmaids: my sister and sister-in-law. My husband also had two but he could have had more. There is nothing wrong with uneven numbers but I love small intimate weddings and am so glad we left it to our very closest friends and family. You can still invite all your other friends to your bachelorette and bridal shower.

    It is so hard to find friends as an adult! So hard! I am 28 and don’t live near any of my friends from either high school or college. It is really hard to stay in touch with so much going on in both of our lives, not to mention differences in time zones. i miss them but they stopped calling me or emailing back do i too scaled back in contacting them. :/ We have a small group of friends where we lve but none of them are at the same place in their lives we are. I don’t really know where to make new friends. Without kids and not still living the single life. It is hard! Let us know if you come up with any ideas because I need some good girlfriends.

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